If Nothing is Straight

…then nothing’s really crooked, either.

A custom blend of DIY and existential musings, plus cinematic review essays. Expect spoilers and humor, and take no offense if our tastes do not align.

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L.C. Spring L.C. Spring

Movie Thoughts: 28 Years Later

Help! I fell into a large plot hole and can't get out. And there's cheese in here, so I'm all covered in cheese. Does anyone know a doctor who can help me?

If Nothing is Straight: A 1920s House Blog

https://ireofthevamp.substack.com/

Instagram: ireofthevamp

Help! I fell into a large plot hole and can't get out. And there's cheese in here, so I'm all covered in cheese. Does anyone know a doctor who can help me?

*spoilers*

Oh yea, he lives out in the countryside and lovingly curates skeletons with his homemade corpse burner. Really far out, not so it would be convenient for any sick individuals in the village. He believes that in this post apocalyptic world the best use of his skills is to maintain a constant bonfire furnace and harvest new bones for…

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graphic designed red and white popcorn bucket on pink background, with fluffy overflowing buttery popcorn kernels, with the text: Movie Thoughts by L.C. Spring
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L.C. Spring L.C. Spring

It’s winter somewhere

The first sunny, warm days of spring are here. Trees are blooming. Grass is getting greener every day.

Queue the existential dread, right?

Every spring, I get this feeling… like something is wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t as if I don’t like flowers or the feeling of sun on my uncovered skin.

But that only makes it worse that I feel so strange.

If Nothing is Straight: A 1920s House Blog

https://ireofthevamp.substack.com/

Instagram: ireofthevamp

“If nothing is straight, then nothing’s really crooked, either.”

April 2025

The first sunny, warm days of spring are here. Trees are blooming. Grass is getting greener every day.

Queue the existential dread, right?

Every spring, I get this feeling… like something is wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t as if I don’t like flowers or the feeling of sun on my uncovered skin.

But that only makes it worse that I feel so strange.

So much sadness in the world, and yet the flowers still bloom around it…

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See DIY Pics here: Instagram

Check out June’s DIY journey in my novel.

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L.C. Spring L.C. Spring

Actually, I lied

At the end of my last post, I was lying.

I don’t like DIY—whatever that means. From climbing into the depths of some computer algorithm, it seems to mean spending a lot of time making unnecessary cosmetic alterations to things, speeding it up to make it seem like it only took three seconds.

Smiling while the world burns around you.

I only said I liked it because that’s what girls are supposed to do—happily, with no effort at all.

If Nothing is Straight: A 1920s House Blog

https://ireofthevamp.substack.com/

Instagram: ireofthevamp

“If nothing is straight, then nothing’s really crooked, either.”

March 2025

At the end of my last post, I was lying.

I don’t like DIY—whatever that means. From climbing into the depths of some computer algorithm, it seems to mean spending a lot of time making unnecessary cosmetic alterations to things, speeding it up to make it seem like it only took three seconds.

Smiling while the world burns around you.

I only said I liked it because that’s what girls are supposed to do—happily, with no effort at all.

My enthusiasm was fake…

Read the full post on Substack.

See DIY Pics here: Instagram

Check out June’s DIY journey in my novel.

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House Painting, Contractor Lessons L.C. Spring House Painting, Contractor Lessons L.C. Spring

But Sir, Did You Stir the Paint?

Have you ever asked yourself: Did that man stir the paint?

No? Well, consider yourself lucky, my friend. Consider yourself lucky that you haven’t had to watch him walk around your green yard, splashing a watery chemical pigment onto the low growing thyme and clover with every shimmy of his hips.

In 2021, I bought this house, thinking to myself: I can call a contractor for help. Can’t I?

I was naive.

If Nothing is Straight: A 1920s House Blog

https://ireofthevamp.substack.com/

Instagram: ireofthevamp

“If nothing is straight, then nothing’s really crooked, either.”

March 2025

Have you ever asked yourself: Did that man stir the paint?

No? Well, consider yourself lucky, my friend. Consider yourself lucky that you haven’t had to watch him walk around your green yard, splashing a watery chemical pigment onto the low growing thyme and clover with every shimmy of his hips.

In 2021, I bought this house, thinking to myself: I can call a contractor for help. Can’t I?

I was naive.

He didn’t stir the paint. After months of consultation with the person in charge of this 100+ year old construction company, and going to the trouble of having it added to the actual contract that “new boards will be painted prior to installation”, he didn’t stir the paint.

The crew did indeed bring the paint—I know so because they charged me for it, the entire unnecessarily large gallon. And they did slop some watery mess onto the windowsill boards, whatever that stuff at the top of an unstirred can of paint is. It somewhat covered the gobs of caulking lathered directly onto the wood seams like frosting.

I suppose it was too much to ask: having boards primed properly before installation and neatly caulked afterwards.

This wasn’t the only shortcoming of the enterprise—I’ll let your imagination run wild. And it certainly isn’t the only contractor experience gone awry in the last four years. Wiser and calmer 2024-me thought if I hired a company that is about as old as my house, I might have more luck than some handyman found on NextDoor, or yet another disappointing word-of-mouth. And I didn’t even ask for anything that complicated: gutters, wood repairs. It was supposed to be a test, a low risk assessment of their skills before trusting them with other parts of my house.

But, try as I might, I was foiled by my own plan….

Read the entire post on Substack.

See DIY Pics here: Instagram

Check out June’s DIY journey in my novel.

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